Monday, December 26, 2011

Doctor Who: Bitching About Rory Again

Casey: God damn that Silence shit is sooo fucking cool.

Casey: On a side note...Rory is an even bigger twat than I originally gave him credit for.

Casey: When he vowed to guard Amy...I think that's exactly what he did. I think that's all he did. I think that fucking dope just sat around in a chair for 2,000 years staring at the wall. Know why? Because I think that's the most his brain is actually capable of doing. He has no ability for critical thought. "Derp derp stare at the wall and pretty red head will let me touch her boobies again derpyity derp....."

Casey: You'd think he'd peek his head outside once in awhile. Just to..say hi to someone. Maybe, check the weather, maybe read a newspaper. Naw, his days probably consisted of, throw rock against wall, go fetch rock, throw rock against wall, break rock, go find rock, throw rock against wall, get rock, throw rock against wall....

Cathy: Hahahah! That was the best message I've ever come back to

Casey: Heh.

Cathy: Thanks for them

Cathy: *that

Casey: My pleasure...or...torture depending on how you look at it.

Cathy: That first one

Casey: I think I'm going to submit an episode to the writers.

Casey: Blah blah...science fictiony stuff....

Casey: TARDIS gets too close to the sun, just barely being pulled in. They need to ditch some weight...about...I'd say 170 pounds of it. So, Amy gives him a kiss real quick and the Doctor boots his ass out the door and fries in fire of the star, then Amy and the Doctor leave and go do cool shit without me wanting to murder someone on screen.

Cathy: DO IT!

Cathy: Hahahahahahahaah

Cathy: Oh god

Casey: To add to the punishment, that's like..not even the story. That's just some shit they do on the way. Like...basically a stop at 7-11 for Slurpies with a side of KICKING THAT FUCKING PRICK INTO A HELLFIRE OF PAIN AND OBLIVION!

Cathy: hahahah! Awwwwwwwww... Poor Rory.

Casey: What do you mean "Poor Rory?" He's going to die. In the Sun...and no one will care to remember. They move on to the next cool aliens. There's nothing bad about that scenario at all. Certainly not for him.

Casey: He's not intelligent life. It's like the TARDIS flying through space and a bug splats on the Police sign. No one cares about a bug.

Cathy: But... I... I don't mind Rory... *cowards down*

Casey: He literally adds nothing to the show except for the fact they don't want another Rose situation. He's only there because they don't want the viewers to think that the second hottest companion is going to fall in love with the second hottest Doctor. That's his entire reason for being.

Casey: He doesn't need to be comic relief because the Doctor can do that a-plenty. He's certainly not heroic. He's not a sympathetic character. He's...a fucking stage prop.

Casey: If they had Amy running around in a chastity belt, that would serve the same purpose of showing her and the Doc aren't going to literally "Fuck up space and time"

Casey: You wanna play the whole River Song card? Her being so important. Have them run into
Captain Jack again...even though he's gay, he's...still virile. A one-nighter with an unkillable dude in the TARDIS...make Time Lord baby...Everybody loves Captain Jack...

Cathy: hahaahhaahah

Casey: There. I fixed Doctor Who. Now where the fuck is the BBC with my royalty check?!?

Cathy: yeah, get all up in their grill for that

Casey: I don't see how THAT many people would be mad about retconning Rory into oblivion...

Casey: Or fuck...I don't care...have Amy and the Doctor post a note on the door of the TARDIS with, "If the booth is a rockin' don't come in cause this bitch is wiiiiillllllllddddddd!" Play the whole Rose card again. But...this time without the whole tragedy thing and making me cry for 3 more seasons before I get happy again.

Cathy: hahahahaha

Casey: Better yet! Even better idea...way better idea...

Cathy: oh?

Casey: Take the whole Doctor Donna thing from the last season of Tennant. You don't know it, but she was basically half Time Lord, half human. Retcon THAT SHIT, dump that into Amy...But have her hybrid thingy be stable..then her and the Doctor get all super nasty...

Casey: Oh wait...that fucks up the River thing...

Casey: Okay...we still use Captain Jack..they have a fight...or he abandons her for another 10 years like he's use to doing...she bangs him up and down, has a kid, Doctor comes back...Time Lord baby...

Casey: Yes...that will do nicely. Except...then the Doctor would be banging the Mom and the daughter.....

Casey: Little awkward I admit...but, makes things hella dramatic, right?

Cathy: That is sure. i will give you that.

Casey: THERE!

Casey: Now, I have officially fixed Doctor Who.

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