For the last couple of months I've been on some kind of insane creative kick to where I want to produce something, something that other people will read/listen to/see. However, these ideas never get anywhere at all. I'll get a plan to do something and have no substance to make the plan a reality. This blog was it for awhile, but I know I'm getting no one reading it. No one ever just pops on here to check if something is posted. The very few readers I get are people that feel obligated because I post a link on my Facebook.
This lack of confidence is really stemming from the fact that I'm really not very good at anything. I don't have a special knowledge about anything. I don't really have any real talents or insight into anything that people would care about. Sure, I love TV but there are only about 500 million TV reviewers. I love trance music, but I am so far from an expert on it, and once again, it's very well covered by people a billion times more knowledgeable than I am.
I just feel stuck and in a rut. I want to create something so badly. And maybe creating anything at all, just for the sake of myself should be good enough. But I guess I feel like I want my work to be validated somehow by getting an audience. Putting in hours of work on a project to show no one else seems like such a waste.
Right now I want to start an audio project. Podcastish style I guess. Do a few episodes just for myself to try and get the form down. Figure out how I need to edit it all together and then make some for real. However, I don't have any kind of topic to talk about. There is nothing that I can do remotely well that isn't being done much much better by someone else.
It's frustrating. All this time I spend just dorking around on my computer seems like it could be used for something constructive. However, through my musical production attempts (around 4 years worth) never came anything but amateurish crap that wouldn't have even sounded good in a Super Nintendo game. My writing here which is fine I guess, but no one that ever does read it tells others to check it out. I have no crafting skills. I can't make anything with my hands. I've just never had that ability.
So, basically I am totally lost. I need an avenue to do something. Right now I am doing nothing with my life whatsoever. I need at least one thing to maybe make me think that I'm not a complete waste of space. Something that I can do that might actually matter.
I come see your blog when there is something new. And I haven't actually said "Go look at this" to anyone however I have read some of your stuff to other people and once just talked about one of your posts to someone but I wasn't at the computer to read it to them. Don't be so discouraged.
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