Saturday, May 29, 2010

My Version of Hell

If hell truly does exist, I know exactly what my experience will be like. Aside from the expected burning, torture, sodomy and Golden Girls marathons, the bulk of my horror will be in the form of progress bars.

I will be sat in an uncomfortable chair, at a desk with a computer. The computer will be doing something. Installing a program, exporting music or downloading really awesome porn that I'll never get to see. And there will be the progress bar, showing how far along the process is. I expect the initial bar to last a few millennia, as I stare at the monitor; begging, pleading, screaming, insulting and attempted punting of the computer to make the damn thing move faster.

And then it will near the end. 98%. Just a couple decades left to wait! 99%. Maybe one more decade of waiting. And then, a dialogue box will pop up saying something to the effect of "Windows has encountered an unexpected problem and needs to close. Would you like to send an error report?"

At last the breaking of my soul will be complete. I will have gone totally and completely mad. A raving lunatic with no hope of regaining my former sanity. And then the Devil will probably make me do that about 15 more times in between the before mentioned standard tortures.

Moral of the story: Progress bars are assholes and I hope they die. Thank you

1 comment:

  1. Progress bars!!!!!!!!! Oh my. You're so right. Progress bars and drive-thru lines. :)

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