Hmmmm...

I believe this is what they in the Internet business would be called getting Pwnd! April Fools Day chumps! Muahahahaha!

Think of the Future, Just Don't Forget Your Present.

The idea of God has been intriguing me a lot in the last ten years or so. I like to read and study people's perspective of God, what powers he has (or lacks) and what he personally does for people's lives. People's perception of the events that happen in their lives is also endlessly interesting. Something wonderful happens, God was watching over you. Something bad happens, he has a plan for you. Or he's testing you.

The “use” of their God also interests me. Some people pray that they won't run out of gas, or that they won't be late for work. Some people pray to fix their crummy lives with his divine power. Some say you shouldn't ask anything of God and just praise him and thank him for the fortunes you have been given. And still others merely ask for the strength to endure his arduous trials.

Those aside, where my real interest lies is in the complete devotion of this one super natural being. The strength, vigor and complete faith and worship of something that no one in the entire world can be completely sure of, is one of the most incredible things about human nature. Their entire perspective, their views on the world, the way they treat people or how they feel about people. All these things can be directly related to a holy figure they learned about during their life. Some people so devoted and so passionate that they create entire groups of people to watchdog and protest anything that might criticize their faith. When in fact, if that particular person had happened to be born in India, they'd be worshiping completely different Gods and still be fully convinced of their correctness.

According to the Christian God, your life is a test. You are born full of sin, despite never doing anything wrong yourself, and you must devote your life to praising Jesus and 100% committing that he is your savior. You live your life to the best of your ability, to a set of rules passed down from the ages. You are told if you follow these rules and live a good life, you'll be sent to paradise. Complete happiness and love for the rest of eternity. However, if you turn from this path, embrace feelings of your own or of another spiritual being, you are to be punished with eternal pain and suffering in a pit of fire.

There in lies the problem I have with the Christian religion. I don't like the thought of my existence; my entire life on this world being nothing but a test for something terrific, or possibly horrible later. It makes the entire journey of your life seem utterly meaningless. You follow a strict set of rules, spend every Sunday in church, listening to the same passages from the Bible you've heard a hundred times, for your entire life, on the chance that this God is real and you'll be avoiding eternal damnation. The way it sounds to me is a lot of people aren't living good Christian lives because it's the right thing to do. It seems a lot do it purely for the fact that they don't wish to be tortured until the end of time. This seems like a very poor approach when giving your entire life to something.

I suppose you can call me an Atheist or whatever. I personally don't believe in any kind of super natural being from any religion. However, I do respect people's devotion to it. The faith that people have in something they are so sure is real. It's the kind of faith I wish I had; to feel like there is someone I can't see, watching over me and guiding me down the path that was chosen for me. However, I don't have that faith. I've tried it and I can't have it. Sure, I could claim Jesus as my savior, but I'd know I didn't believe it. If God does exist, I'm sure he'd find more blasphemy in that falsehood than he would in my lack of belief.

I guess the overall picture I'm trying to portray here is, strive for the afterlife that you hope to find. Just don't forget about the one you have right here. If God is all knowing and all powerful, I'm sure he'll realize your devotion to Jesus would still be as strong if you let yourself get angry with a neighbor or have a few too many pieces of the chocolate cake you made for your friend's birthday. Think of your future, but don't forget about your present.

Get a Sense of Humor Already!

Very recently, I was talking to some friends and made a stupid joke. The type I make on a near constant basis and one of the people listening found the joke to be offensive and quickly told me it wasn't funny. The joke was something about blaming alcohol for anything wrong you ever do. I stated that I got out of three arson cases and a kidnapping using that defense. My reasoning leads me to believe that one of those two subjects is a sensitive one for that person. Which leads me to say...

Get a damn sense of humor already! There is no subject in the entire world that should be off limits to humor or comedy. There are some truly terrible things that happen in this world. If all you do is brood in the bad things that have happened to you, you stay locked in that moment for your entire life. You need to learn to lighten up and not relate any particular mention of a subject to your life and immediately become defensive when it comes up.

My Father is dead. A frequent joke back and forth with a friend of mine is for me to crack a silly joke about her, and her trump card is, "So what? Your Dad is dead." Do I find that offensive or hurtful at all? Absolutely not. Because I've made peace with that fact and I can take myself out of the tragedy of the experience and channel it into a fun conversation with my friend.

I was abused as a child. Perhaps not physically, but in every other way that you can be. However, I've also made peace with that a long time ago and have no problems making silly jokes about beating up my friends or putting their screaming babies into a cat carrier. And they take no offense to it, because they know it's a joke and something I would never do.

Please try and disassociate yourself from trigger words of bad things that have happened to you or someone you care about. Don't punish yourself and live in agony over one particular subject that might come up at any point in the future.

In the immortal words of Christopher Titus (and probably many many others): "Climb down off the cross, use the wood to build a bridge and get over it."

Sorry for the depressing post. I'm working on some really funny stuff that should be up in a couple days. Well, at least I find it funny. You all will probably hate it. But oh well. As long as you read it, I still get page views which boosts my mediocre ego semi-higher.

MAC Vs. PC War Settled

They basically do the exact same shit. Buy whichever one you like better. War=Over. Thank you.

talk to type testing

in this particular blog post, I am attempting to write the entire thing without using my keyboard whatsoever. I just downloaded the new voice recognition program to see how well it would function. So far I am very impressed with what it can do. I believe long ago that this technology was abandoned because of its limitations and no one ever figured out how to properly use the technology.

I can say simple things as telling it to put in. Or,. As you can tell from that last sentence particular punctuation marks when you try to say them aloud puts the actual punctuation mark on the text, instead of actually spelling out the words. So, if I plan to use this program in the future for any potential writing, I will have to end up doing some editingbut overall this is then very easy to type"

It also does really neat things like moving to the next block of words that I cannot say because it will obviously do as it is told. I'll be using this program in the future to see how well this will help my writing. However, I can tell already that I am a lot more articulate well typing than I am while talking.

Thanks for reading this test blog post. It's been very interesting and I look forward to using it again in the future, albeit with some editing.

Hot=Notorious Mass-Murderer. Cold=Soothing Companion

Due to being a professional writer now, I feel I can more openly express pure, factual information to the masses. Before, I was timid and had no confidence. However, seeing that my blog has nearly reached 300 page views, I can confidently say that I am a professional and expert in the field of satirical literal non-fiction. Using this new post of power, I needed to warn and educate the masses about an epidemic that has plagued our planet for countless millenia. HOT!

Summer time has always been the bane of my year. It's so sticky and sweaty and hot and it basically just sucks. However, a great deal of people actually enjoy summer and enjoy the heat that it brings. These people are obviously deluded and have bought into all that "Warm Temperature" propaganda that's been circling around. Here is the cold hard facts people. Hot weather murders and destroys families. There, I said it.

From facts that I just made up, hot weather is guilty for nearly 2.736 billion deaths a year. You hear on the news all the time about poor old grandmothers that died because it was too hot. Poor dogs left in cars in the summer with the window rolled down only a crack. Countless trillions of ants that are barbecued with magnifying glasses.

Then you look at every one's good friend, Cold. Cold only kills about 36 people a year in the entire world. And most of those people deserve it because they go to Antarctica or made a terrible life choice by living in Alaska. Cold is a wonderful, caring and happy companion. Cold is the "Love Temperature." How often does summer give you a reason to cuddle up super close with that special someone? (Or that one chick you met behind Safeway and has the funny little sores around their lips) The answer to that question is NEVER! Cold contributes to wonderful physical contact with your significant other. Giving you time to bond and grow your relationship even more.

Summer makes people miserable and pushes loved ones away. No one in the entire world wants to snuggle close to another person when it's 105 in your bedroom. Summer is "The Season of Hatred." Hot is a crafty, dastardly villain. While it kindly strolls around for a few months, slaughtering countless humans and animals, it also provides weather in which crops grow. Summer is basically a drug dealer. It gives you something that makes you feel better and feel happy, all the while murdering anyone stupid enough to go out in it. It's manipulating the entire population!

Sure, cold has it's drawbacks. Frostbite is a bitch and really hurts and makes people lose toes and/or feet and various other body parts. But frostbite is basically the drunk uncle at the wedding that no one really likes, but still shows up anyway because he's family. That's how Cold and Frostbite are related. However you take even the worst possible thing about cold, death, and it's still not bad. In fact, it's pretty damn great! Tons of people say that freezing to death is one of the more humane and pleasant ways to die. (Right below being asleep) They say it's relaxing and nice. You kind of just drift off into a deep sleep that you don't wake from. And yes, the points leading up to your entire body going numb are pretty crappy, but there is that wonderful ending that will soothe even the most scared death victims.

Hot deaths? Being out in horribly hot temperature, all the fluids in your body being taken away in mere minutes. You succumbing to your fate, collapsing on the ground, essentially cooking your own flesh while you pray to every God figure that's ever been spoken of, for a glass of water. Your mouth so dry that the roof of it and your tongue stick together. Gasping for any kind of moisture from the air until you finally die a miserable, painful and horrendous death.

Yeah, Summer is a real pal. (That was sarcasm since you can't see me rolling my eyes.)

Of course, Summer and hot weather isn't 100% bad. It does have one thing and one thing only going for it. Women wear less clothes. That's about it. And even then, they are being bombarded by horrible "Super Gamma-Xray-Ultraviolet" radiation that will eventually turn their skin into the hide of a basketball and then murder them with skin cancer.

I have a solution. A solution I didn't think of, but was brought about by Professor Farnsworth of Futurama fame. We somehow shoot the Earth and the Moon away from the sun a good ways. Hence, making the year a little longer by about a week. That week will then be known as "Robot Party Week", and we'll all bring our robots to the park and enjoy a nice, refreshing, chilled day outside. Any rocket scientists/physicists that can make this happen, please contact The One World Government and get this plan into motion. Preferably before winter.

I just solved global warming. Suck it Al Gore!

Thank you for your time. Stay safe and out of the sight of the murderer in the sky.

Video Games Should Be Fun

The video game was created four centuries ago as an alternative to all that toiling and torture early American settlers had to endure. They were made to be fun and exciting and provide a little escape from the real world for awhile. Pure entertainment that wasn't just watching TV or a movie. Something interactive. Something you had control over. And that was a fantastic idea.

For a long time, video games enjoyed a run of fun. Sure, some games sucked. Just like some movies or TV shows suck. However, the overall idea was that they were played for fun. In the last few years, this has changed for some people, and I'm not exactly sure why.

Prime example would (of course) have to be World of Warcraft. This isn't going to be a WoW hating article you see every ten seconds on the internet. But this is easily the best example. WoW is the biggest online video game ever with currently around 11 million active subscriptions. And as popular as it has become, the game has become much more business than entertainment.

You'll walk into a 25 person raid. A raid that will usually take about two hours to finally bring together because people don't seem to be able to understand to go from where you are to another place. Once you get going, you fight (eventually) and kill everything in your path. Then rage happens. Loot comes up that you need. Someone else gets it. Then someone freaks out and starts calling you horrible names that I won't put in here. Screaming and yelling and fighting are all things very common in WoW. You fight and fight for two to three hours in a dungeon and almost everyone leaves basically empty handed. People get pissed off and rage-quit the game. Just shut it off and start cussing everyone out.

For so many people, the game isn't fun for them. I don't see tons of people having a laugh or a good time. I see instance or raid groups getting together and one person making a small mistake and getting screamed and cussed at and then kicked out of the group. Sure, I understand wanting to succeed, but losing your temper over a video game is fucking insane.

Next and last example. Modern Warfare 2. This game got tons of hype and is played by millions of people online. Since it's been out a long while now, regular players are raging constantly that the multiplayer is broken. Bitching about the spawning system sucking. Spawn traps and noob tubes. People getting so frustrated and pissed off, they feel the need to cuss out everyone on the voice chat.

I live by the code that games are meant to be fun. I play games all the time. And a lot of them I don't finish. Not because the game isn't good most times. It's just that I happen to not like the game. So, I'll stop playing it, delete it and move on to another and see if I like that.

The moral of the story is this. Games are meant to be fun. If whatever game you are playing gets to a point where you are not having fun, you need to put down the controller or shut off the computer. Stop playing it. Don't get pissed that something is broken. Don't get pissed because the other people are idiots. Don't get pissed off that the other people are assholes. Go. Just go. There are hundreds of thousands of video games to choose from out there. You can find something that you will enjoy if you try. Don't put undue stress on yourself, playing a game that is making you miserable.