This topic was brought to my attention today by a friend. I totally pissed her off with my thoughts on it and I feel bad. But, it doesn't change my opinion on the topic which I will try and articulate now.
Body modification. Tattoo and piercings are the most ridiculous things ever. The modifiers most consistent point is always "art"
Tattoos and piercings are not art. You may and try to justify it as such. It isn't. Body mods are a weak and pathetic way of trying to fit into this weak ass pop-culture-centric country we live in.
You look through images on the internet and find something that looks cool. Then you try to piece together some weak symbolism to go with it. If you are using an image that has already been made, it is a terrible design and shouldn't be anything that you put on yourself.
Same thing goes with piercings. Piercings go one of two ways. One, you see someone that has a piercing. You think it looks cool. You go get one. Or, two; there is some radical new piercing that many would find too hardcore. You try to justify to yourself that you are being rebellious and going against society. When in fact, you are being the gigantic tool you are trying desperately to show the world that you aren't.
I don't want to seem like I am totally against body modification. Piercing your ears. Fine. Maybe a little nose stud. Fine. Ten piercings in your ears all the way up to and through your cartilage. Totally not fine. I don't mind a tongue stud. I see the appeal in those. Being someone that has an oral fixation, I can totally understand that one. Plus, it isn't one that most people can generally see all the time. People that get tongue studs really are doing it for themselves. Unless they are total attention whores that stick their tongue out at everyone they see.
Belly button piercing. Mega fucking lamely toolish. The belly button piercing is widely known as the sexiest of the piercing family. It's ridiculous. If you have one, the first thought I have is not that you are cool or sexy. It's that you are a whore. (Tramp stamps included.) Belly button piercings (from what I hear at least, I am certainly no expert) are one of the more painful ones and take the longest to heal. Also one that is most likely to get infected. All you are doing is appealing to the masses once again.
Another group that I must address are the hiders. People that get something small, something out of the way that no one can see or can be easily hidden. I am on the fence with these people. It goes one of two ways. One, they are getting one because everyone else has one so they think they need to. So, they get it somewhere really hidden such as the ankle. Then make something totally ridiculous like a flower or a butterfly. Or the second catagory. People that really do want this and it actually means something. They put it somewhere where it isn't instantly recognizable because it is for them. And not to show off to someone else.
I know I am all over the place in this post. I'm a sucky writer. I'm going with ideas as they come to me.
Now we move onto the modifier's second most commonly used excuse. "The Myspace Excuse." I'm sure a lot of you either heard or used this justification a few years ago when Myspace was getting huge. You'd ask someone about it, and they would say, "I've been using Myspace since way before it became popular." This is a popular excuse amongst people that started getting their mods in the mid to late 90's when they became popular. Why did the body mode fad take off? It took off starting with tattoos. Before, tattoos were normally relegated to big bad ass mother fuckers that were either in the armed services, prison or were just plain bad asses. They'd be some cool ass (but poorly drawn/tattooed) design using skulls or naked chicks. People saw these and decided they wanted to become bad ass as well. Then the plague spread. These new-agers were trying to be like these bad ass dudes by shunning social norms. Now, 95% of people between the ages of 18-30 have or at one time, have had a tattoo or piercing. You aren't being unique. You are being a complete social tool.
I could go on, but, seeing as I'm going to lose about ten friends from this post as it is, I'll stop now. My overall theme I'm going for is: If you are going to get something done. Make sure it is original. Don't use any pre-packaged bull shit that everyone sees ten times a day. Get a tattoo of your kid's names or someone who died. Get your ears pierced to wear modest earrings. Quit trying to get all these crazy mods done to try and stand out or to have something to show off at parties.
I'm sorry if I've offended anyone by this post. Thank you all for reading. Even though I'm sure not a single one of my two readers will agree with it. Thank you and good night.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
NaNoWriMo
No, it isn't the title to the latest movie about robots taking over the world. It's National Novel Writing Month! I found out about this wonderful organization only yesterday morning. And, as fate would have it, novel writing month is November!
I've never substantially written anything before. The most I've ever written was about eight pages. And now, I'm trying to force myself to write a story that will eclipse 50,000 words. Daunting task it is. I really want to do it. I want to be able to see if I can actually make myself accomplish something so big. To really see what I am capable of. So, I've dived in. No preparation. No outlines. No notes or characters. Just an idea. From what I've read of the forums, that's how many people do it.
Jen told me to use "stream of consciousness." A term that implies you just write the first thing that pops into your head. Some terrific novels in the past have been written this way so we'll just go with that.
I am not a good writer. I know this. But, one of the biggest things about this organization is quantity over quality. One of their slogans is "November is for writing. December is for revision." I'm trying to take that to heart. I'm trying not to edit myself. Just trying to get to that 50k mark.
So, first update. Day 2 at 11:23am. 1950 words. I need another 1300 before the end of today.
To make 50,000, you have to write 1667 words per day. I was about 200 shy of that goal before I went to bed last night. I'll try and pick up the slack today.
For my two readers, you should try this! See what you are really capable of doing, regardless if you are a good writer or not.
NaNoWriMo official website!
I've never substantially written anything before. The most I've ever written was about eight pages. And now, I'm trying to force myself to write a story that will eclipse 50,000 words. Daunting task it is. I really want to do it. I want to be able to see if I can actually make myself accomplish something so big. To really see what I am capable of. So, I've dived in. No preparation. No outlines. No notes or characters. Just an idea. From what I've read of the forums, that's how many people do it.
Jen told me to use "stream of consciousness." A term that implies you just write the first thing that pops into your head. Some terrific novels in the past have been written this way so we'll just go with that.
I am not a good writer. I know this. But, one of the biggest things about this organization is quantity over quality. One of their slogans is "November is for writing. December is for revision." I'm trying to take that to heart. I'm trying not to edit myself. Just trying to get to that 50k mark.
So, first update. Day 2 at 11:23am. 1950 words. I need another 1300 before the end of today.
To make 50,000, you have to write 1667 words per day. I was about 200 shy of that goal before I went to bed last night. I'll try and pick up the slack today.
For my two readers, you should try this! See what you are really capable of doing, regardless if you are a good writer or not.
NaNoWriMo official website!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Hallowdread
Well, tomorrow is that special night. Where the women dress like whores and the men...who really fucking cares about the men? I miss really celebrating Halloween. And, not in the kid, going door to door for candy celebrating. The, going to a party, getting smashed off my ass and really wondering if that girl's boobs are real kind of celebration.
Tomorrow for me will consist of me getting up early so I can take a nap early, then waking up and going to work earlier than I planned. I will come home, probably have a beer or two and just waste my life away on the computer as I usually do. I mean, it really isn't that bad. I enjoy my time online and on my computer. Sometimes I just wish I was a bit more social.
That takes me back to something someone once said about my gaming habits. He roughly asked if spending all my time in front of a screen was fulfilling. Asked why I didn't go out into the world and try and experience things. I didn't have an answer for him then. But, I have got one now.
Sure, going out and traveling and seeing the world is great. I'm sure it's very rewarding and you have great memories for the rest of your life. But, my experience with gaming and the online culture itself is also a manner of traveling. I get to read, or watch wonderful stories that some don't get the chance to see. My games take me to far off fantasy realms where anything can happen. My internet life has allowed me to meet some of the most incredibly people in my life.
It all boils down to what makes you happy. And, my sedentary life is a pretty good one. Aside from my shitty home life, I am actually pretty happy with how I spend my free time. For some people, going out and seeing everything makes them happy. I've never much cared for travel, so sitting home with a good book or game or conversation, is just as rewarding to me as the other things would be to someone else.
Don't judge people by how they spend their time. As long as they are doing something they enjoy, you have no right to. Go and do your thing and leave us alone.
Tomorrow for me will consist of me getting up early so I can take a nap early, then waking up and going to work earlier than I planned. I will come home, probably have a beer or two and just waste my life away on the computer as I usually do. I mean, it really isn't that bad. I enjoy my time online and on my computer. Sometimes I just wish I was a bit more social.
That takes me back to something someone once said about my gaming habits. He roughly asked if spending all my time in front of a screen was fulfilling. Asked why I didn't go out into the world and try and experience things. I didn't have an answer for him then. But, I have got one now.
Sure, going out and traveling and seeing the world is great. I'm sure it's very rewarding and you have great memories for the rest of your life. But, my experience with gaming and the online culture itself is also a manner of traveling. I get to read, or watch wonderful stories that some don't get the chance to see. My games take me to far off fantasy realms where anything can happen. My internet life has allowed me to meet some of the most incredibly people in my life.
It all boils down to what makes you happy. And, my sedentary life is a pretty good one. Aside from my shitty home life, I am actually pretty happy with how I spend my free time. For some people, going out and seeing everything makes them happy. I've never much cared for travel, so sitting home with a good book or game or conversation, is just as rewarding to me as the other things would be to someone else.
Don't judge people by how they spend their time. As long as they are doing something they enjoy, you have no right to. Go and do your thing and leave us alone.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Google Wave Shame
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I had almost given up on this place considering only maybe two people have read the damn thing. But, I guess I'll go anyway. It's nice to just write things down sometimes.
Anyway. I've never felt so cheap in my online life as I have today. I've been trying to get a hold of Google Wave invites. I started respectably. And now I've come down to begging strangers from Twitter for one. It's sad, I know. But, I really want one. I just need to see what it can do. Even in it's current limited form. I'll feel like a whore. And, I'll live with it. That's how it goes.
Anyway. I've never felt so cheap in my online life as I have today. I've been trying to get a hold of Google Wave invites. I started respectably. And now I've come down to begging strangers from Twitter for one. It's sad, I know. But, I really want one. I just need to see what it can do. Even in it's current limited form. I'll feel like a whore. And, I'll live with it. That's how it goes.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Vampires Have Gotten Gay
Okay. I realize this topic has been beat to death by countless other people. But, I just couldn't help but rant. Vampires have become more gay than Ryan Seacrest. I recognize the notion that there is a certain romance in the whole vampire idea. Only out at night. Feasting off the living to sustain themselves. It's a rather sexy idea. But, with the popularization of Twilight, Vampire Diaries, and True Blood, vampires are some hella gay shit.
I remember when I was a kid. Things like Bram Stoker's Dracula, the countless bad 80's vampire movies, The Lost Boys, Blade and others. That's when vampires were bad ass! Us petty little humans were nothing but lunch. Chew those little bastards up. That's what vampires should be.
Vampires should not be 17 year old boys, with terrible bed head, walking around talking about their feelings and restraining their need to feed. If I was Edward Cullen, I'd have eaten that annoying looking Bella bitch in the first five minutes of the movie. Go find some hot vampire skank that you want to bang. I'm sure you can.
When this whole lame ass vampire craze is over, Hollywood will probably try to gay up...umm...zombies or some crap. Some handsome kid, gets bitten by a zombie, turns into a zombie, finds a fugly girl, tries to bite her, stops, falls in love with her, and then we are left with two hours of wasted time and a pathetic ending. Hollywood. Large check for story idea for your next piece of shit movie. Thank you.
Word to your Mothers.
Two Truths, One Lie
I'm sure the zero people reading this have heard of this fun game. You (usually) say two things that are true, and one thing that is a lie. The other person has to guess which is the lie. I figure I'll try it out here.
1. My secret ambition has always been to be a talk radio producer. Start the commercials, screen the incoming calls and all that. Would be a sweet job.
2. My first concert ever was Amy Grant. Back before she became a Jesus freak.
3. I one was going so fast over this really big bump back in Boise over train tracks, that I bottomed out and knocked the muffler off my car. Parents never noticed because they sold the car before they discovered it.
Which is the lie, my non existent readers?
1. My secret ambition has always been to be a talk radio producer. Start the commercials, screen the incoming calls and all that. Would be a sweet job.
2. My first concert ever was Amy Grant. Back before she became a Jesus freak.
3. I one was going so fast over this really big bump back in Boise over train tracks, that I bottomed out and knocked the muffler off my car. Parents never noticed because they sold the car before they discovered it.
Which is the lie, my non existent readers?
I Love Vicodin Land!
As many of my Facebook friends know already, I recently busted up my arm pretty well. The first few days were unbearable. Dealing with the workman's comp. has not been the most enjoyable either. But, my silly hippie doctor (more on him in a moment) finally gave me some Vicodin and it's helping greatly with the pain. Dancing on clouds almost!
Back in my druggie days, I'd love getting Vicodin and then smoking some pot and drinking a beer if I was able. Puts you in total lala land. I haven't taken this stuff recreationally for years and years now, and I suppose I'm still not. I'm taking them because my damn arm hurts. But, I can't say that I really don't mind the opiate buzz. Kinda fun!
Anyway. Hippie Doctor. This guy was completely nuts. He spent 60% of my examination, talking about the evils and lies of the pharmaceutical companies. While I completely agree with this assessment, I still wanted my god damn drugs. Yes, the companies jack up prices to make ridiculous amounts of money...yes they do shifty and not so ethical business, but damn it, I actually don't have to pay for this stuff this time, and...their shit works.
He suggested some hippie, herbal stuff that's been used for "Hundreds of years," and gave me a free bottle. That's well and fine. I've never been much for herbal remedies when a chemical can for sure do the job. I'll try the stuff if I need it. Oh well.
Another 30% of the examination, was him trying to teach my best friend Jenna about medical stuff. Which, is also fine. You need to pass knowledge onto the next generation. However, my arm can't move and I hurt like hell. Give...me...my...damn...pills...
As you can guess...the last 10% was my actual examination where, although being way too political with his patients, he did diagnose me correctly without x-rays being taken. So...overall...hippie doc wins.
This blog has no structure. Has no topic. I'm going to rant about crap that is on my mind. Hope all two of my readers can enjoy my brain goo.
Peace out girl scout.
Back in my druggie days, I'd love getting Vicodin and then smoking some pot and drinking a beer if I was able. Puts you in total lala land. I haven't taken this stuff recreationally for years and years now, and I suppose I'm still not. I'm taking them because my damn arm hurts. But, I can't say that I really don't mind the opiate buzz. Kinda fun!
Anyway. Hippie Doctor. This guy was completely nuts. He spent 60% of my examination, talking about the evils and lies of the pharmaceutical companies. While I completely agree with this assessment, I still wanted my god damn drugs. Yes, the companies jack up prices to make ridiculous amounts of money...yes they do shifty and not so ethical business, but damn it, I actually don't have to pay for this stuff this time, and...their shit works.
He suggested some hippie, herbal stuff that's been used for "Hundreds of years," and gave me a free bottle. That's well and fine. I've never been much for herbal remedies when a chemical can for sure do the job. I'll try the stuff if I need it. Oh well.
Another 30% of the examination, was him trying to teach my best friend Jenna about medical stuff. Which, is also fine. You need to pass knowledge onto the next generation. However, my arm can't move and I hurt like hell. Give...me...my...damn...pills...
As you can guess...the last 10% was my actual examination where, although being way too political with his patients, he did diagnose me correctly without x-rays being taken. So...overall...hippie doc wins.
This blog has no structure. Has no topic. I'm going to rant about crap that is on my mind. Hope all two of my readers can enjoy my brain goo.
Peace out girl scout.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Customer Tips
Here it is, friends! I've gotten some positive feedback about my customer tips, so, I've compiled them all here for easy access. I hope you all appreciate the tens of minutes it took to copy and paste all of these. Alas, here we go...
Customer Tip #1: When handing exact change to the cashier, don't put the change down on the counter. Put it in the cashier's hand. It's god damn annoying having to pick up 88 cents one coin at a time off the counter.
Customer Tip #2: Despite what you've heard in the past, the customer is not always right. A recent study (I can't find the link) said that the customer is about 92% wrong. Before jumping down an employee's throat about an item that is ...suppose to be on sale because a sign told you so; read the entire sign. Especially the fine print that might say "Except".
Side note: When proven wrong, don't continue to be a douchebag and press the point just to get your way. Pinching a couple pennies is not worth essentially pissing on the nice people that are trying to help you.
Customer Tip 3: When you get an item and decide later that you don't want it, don't just set it down where ever you happen to be. Keep it in your cart, take it up to the register with you, and hand it to the cashier. They won't mind, I promise. It saves hours of work every day for the floor people that have better things to do than to clean up after lazy people.
Customer Tip 4: Despite what all the media and propaganda tells you, if you find an item at a store that has previously been opened, it does not contain herpes, plague, AIDS, swine flu, anthrax, libertarianism or tuberculosis. Items that have been opened are just as good as sealed ones. And, if for some reason something is missing...bring the damn thing back! You'll be in that part of town next week anyway.
Customer Tip 5: Have your payment ready when you get to the register. So sick of the idiots that are four people back in line, stand in line for about five minutes, then when it is their turn and their items get rung up, it's like some revelation that... they have to pay. So, they rummage through their purse for that 75 cents they just know they have when they have a dollar sitting right in their hand.
Side Tip: Care for your money. Don't just hand a cashier a bunch of ugly, wadded up bills. I have no want or need to touch your disgusting bills that have been rubbing against your balls all day. Get your money straight before you hand it to me.
Customer Tip 6: All returns require a receipt! This is not new information, people. This is how it has been since I've been born...and, I can assume, for many years before that. I don't give a single shit if your item still has the price sticker on it. Keep your god damn receipts. And, if you lose your receipt, don't go to the store and bully the employees because you are an idiot.
Customer Tip 7: Take your god damn cart back to the cart corral. Those things are conveniently placed so you don't have to walk any more than 20 yards. Don't just put your cart in your parking spot, or up on the divider between spaces. If you are too lazy to walk your cart, 20 or less yards, you are likely fat and need the exercise. QUIT BEING LAZY!
Customer Tip 8: Get off your god damn cell phone. No one in the store, much less the cashier that is helping you, wants to hear about your idiotic life. The cashier may have things that they need to communicate to you. I realize how materialistic you... all are to your stupid little phone, but I promise your friends aren't going to hate you because you stopped talking to them while you got your shit rung up.
Customer Tip 9: Save your checks for your bills and don't fucking waste your cashiers time in line. Checks are outdated, and completely unnecessary except for the fact of mailing in bills. Even then...we have the Internet now. People, get out of... the 1970s. Don't waste yours and your cashiers time by basically taking out the stone and chisel. I know you have a debit card in that stupid purse. Use the god damn thing.
Customer Tip 10: Don't let your asshole little kids run free in the store. I realize that kids are annoying, and any chance you get to be rid of them for a few minutes, you take. But, letting them run wild in the store is not the place to ditch them. Go take them for a "picnic." Your little bastards run around, ruining anything their eyes look at. Quit being lazy parents and watch your god damn kids.
Customer Tip #1: When handing exact change to the cashier, don't put the change down on the counter. Put it in the cashier's hand. It's god damn annoying having to pick up 88 cents one coin at a time off the counter.
Customer Tip #2: Despite what you've heard in the past, the customer is not always right. A recent study (I can't find the link) said that the customer is about 92% wrong. Before jumping down an employee's throat about an item that is ...suppose to be on sale because a sign told you so; read the entire sign. Especially the fine print that might say "Except".
Side note: When proven wrong, don't continue to be a douchebag and press the point just to get your way. Pinching a couple pennies is not worth essentially pissing on the nice people that are trying to help you.
Customer Tip 3: When you get an item and decide later that you don't want it, don't just set it down where ever you happen to be. Keep it in your cart, take it up to the register with you, and hand it to the cashier. They won't mind, I promise. It saves hours of work every day for the floor people that have better things to do than to clean up after lazy people.
Customer Tip 4: Despite what all the media and propaganda tells you, if you find an item at a store that has previously been opened, it does not contain herpes, plague, AIDS, swine flu, anthrax, libertarianism or tuberculosis. Items that have been opened are just as good as sealed ones. And, if for some reason something is missing...bring the damn thing back! You'll be in that part of town next week anyway.
Customer Tip 5: Have your payment ready when you get to the register. So sick of the idiots that are four people back in line, stand in line for about five minutes, then when it is their turn and their items get rung up, it's like some revelation that... they have to pay. So, they rummage through their purse for that 75 cents they just know they have when they have a dollar sitting right in their hand.
Side Tip: Care for your money. Don't just hand a cashier a bunch of ugly, wadded up bills. I have no want or need to touch your disgusting bills that have been rubbing against your balls all day. Get your money straight before you hand it to me.
Customer Tip 6: All returns require a receipt! This is not new information, people. This is how it has been since I've been born...and, I can assume, for many years before that. I don't give a single shit if your item still has the price sticker on it. Keep your god damn receipts. And, if you lose your receipt, don't go to the store and bully the employees because you are an idiot.
Customer Tip 7: Take your god damn cart back to the cart corral. Those things are conveniently placed so you don't have to walk any more than 20 yards. Don't just put your cart in your parking spot, or up on the divider between spaces. If you are too lazy to walk your cart, 20 or less yards, you are likely fat and need the exercise. QUIT BEING LAZY!
Customer Tip 8: Get off your god damn cell phone. No one in the store, much less the cashier that is helping you, wants to hear about your idiotic life. The cashier may have things that they need to communicate to you. I realize how materialistic you... all are to your stupid little phone, but I promise your friends aren't going to hate you because you stopped talking to them while you got your shit rung up.
Customer Tip 9: Save your checks for your bills and don't fucking waste your cashiers time in line. Checks are outdated, and completely unnecessary except for the fact of mailing in bills. Even then...we have the Internet now. People, get out of... the 1970s. Don't waste yours and your cashiers time by basically taking out the stone and chisel. I know you have a debit card in that stupid purse. Use the god damn thing.
Customer Tip 10: Don't let your asshole little kids run free in the store. I realize that kids are annoying, and any chance you get to be rid of them for a few minutes, you take. But, letting them run wild in the store is not the place to ditch them. Go take them for a "picnic." Your little bastards run around, ruining anything their eyes look at. Quit being lazy parents and watch your god damn kids.
Welcome Jerks!
Welcome to my little slice of the internet. I, like many losers before me, have decided to start a blog to make myself seem somewhat important. If you are unfamiliar with blogs...this is how it goes. When it starts, it's very active. Gets updated often. Then the wear of it begins to happen and the author posts less and less. I full expect the same to happen here. So, don't get too excited. I know I'm not. I know probably two people will read the damn thing. My Mom, and maybe Jen.
The first few posts will be read by a few Facebook friends, maybe. Then, as the shine wears off, people will stop coming. And, then my Mom and Jen will only come to read as the feeling of guilt and/or necessity of maintaining my mental health, spills over them.
Anyway, thanks for coming to read my introduction. I'll be writing random stuff about my life. Shit that pisses me off, and other interesting crap that I come across.
First real post, will be the full list of Customer Tips that I began on Facebook. It's a good place to start, and is a thing that every person who ever shops needs to read. (Screw you Jen, I'm still right.)
Adios Burritos!
The first few posts will be read by a few Facebook friends, maybe. Then, as the shine wears off, people will stop coming. And, then my Mom and Jen will only come to read as the feeling of guilt and/or necessity of maintaining my mental health, spills over them.
Anyway, thanks for coming to read my introduction. I'll be writing random stuff about my life. Shit that pisses me off, and other interesting crap that I come across.
First real post, will be the full list of Customer Tips that I began on Facebook. It's a good place to start, and is a thing that every person who ever shops needs to read. (Screw you Jen, I'm still right.)
Adios Burritos!
Customer Tips.
Customer Tip #2: Despite what you've heard in the past, the customer is not always right. A recent study (I can't find the link) said that the customer is about 92% wrong. Before jumping down an employee's throat about an item that is ...suppose to be on sale because a sign told you so; read the entire sign. Especially the fine print that might say "Except".
Side note: When proven wrong, don't continue to be a douchebag and press the point just to get your way. Pinching a couple pennies is not worth essentially pissing on the nice people that are trying to help you.
Customer Tip 3: When you get an item and decide later that you don't want it, don't just set it down where ever you happen to be. Keep it in your cart, take it up to the register with you, and hand it to the cashier. They won't mind, I promise. It saves hours of work every day for the floor people that have better things to do than to clean up after lazy people.
Customer Tip 4: Despite what all the media and propaganda tells you, if you find an item at a store that has previously been opened, it does not contain herpes, plague, AIDS, swine flu, anthrax, libertarianism or tuberculosis. Items that have been opened are just as good as sealed ones. And, if for some reason something is missing...bring the damn thing back! You'll be in that part of town next week anyway.
Customer Tip 5: Have your payment ready when you get to the register. So sick of the idiots that are four people back in line, stand in line for about five minutes, then when it is their turn and their items get rung up, it's like some revelation that... they have to pay. So, they rummage through their purse for that 75 cents they just know they have when they have a dollar sitting right in their hand.
Side Tip: Care for your money. Don't just hand a cashier a bunch of ugly, wadded up bills. I have no want or need to touch your disgusting bills that have been rubbing against your balls all day. Get your money straight before you hand it to me.
Customer Tip 6: All returns require a receipt! This is not new information, people. This is how it has been since I've been born...and, I can assume, for many years before that. I don't give a single shit if your item still has the price sticker on it. Keep your god damn receipts. And, if you lose your receipt, don't go to the store and bully the employees because you are an idiot.
Customer Tip 7: Take your god damn cart back to the cart corral. Those things are conveniently placed so you don't have to walk any more than 20 yards. Don't just put your cart in your parking spot, or up on the divider between spaces. If you are too lazy to walk your cart, 20 or less yards, you are likely fat and need the exercise. QUIT BEING LAZY!
Customer Tip 8: Get off your god damn cell phone. No one in the store, much less the cashier that is helping you, wants to hear about your idiotic life. The cashier may have things that they need to communicate to you. I realize how materialistic you... all are to your stupid little phone, but I promise your friends aren't going to hate you because you stopped talking to them while you got your shit rung up.
Customer Tip 9: Save your checks for your bills and don't fucking waste your cashiers time in line. Checks are outdated, and completely unnecessary except for the fact of mailing in bills. Even then...we have the Internet now. People, get out of... the 1970s. Don't waste yours and your cashiers time by basically taking out the stone and chisel. I know you have a debit card in that stupid purse. Use the god damn thing.
Customer Tip 10: Don't let your asshole little kids run free in the store. I realize that kids are annoying, and any chance you get to be rid of them for a few minutes, you take. But, letting them run wild in the store is not the place to ditch them. Go take them for a "picnic." Your little bastards run around, ruining... anything their eyes look at. Quit being lazy parents and watch your god damn kids.
Customer Tip 11: Don't be a dick. Okay, this seems like an obvious one. But, you'd be surprised how awful people treat employees. If an employee can't do something for you because of a store regulation, it isn't their fault. Some suit making six figures made that rule and we just have to enforce them. We don't say no j...ust because we are dicks. Don't flip out on us for enforcing policy we have no control over. I don't care if your entire family was killed by Rush Limbaugh. That doesn't give you the right to treat these people like shit. Say hello. Say thank you. Maybe tell them to have a nice day. Words to live by. Don't Be a Dick.
Customer Tip 12: Observe store hours on your way in. If the store closes at 9pm and you get there at 9:01 pm and they don't let you in, too bad. It isn't the employees fault that you couldn't get off your ass because the newest Grey's Anatomy was on to get to the store on time. Also, if you are in the store about 10 mi...nutes before close, hurry the fuck up and get OUT! People have been working all day and want to go home. Don't punish these people because you are a moron.
Customer Tip 13: Don't use your cashier as a damn bank! If you are paying more than 5 dollars in change, either make sure it is all in quarters or GO TO THE FUCKING BANK! Your cashier has many more people to help and better things to do than count out 12 dollars of change you are too lazy to take four buildings down to... the bank. Coinstar!!! Use the damn thing and quit wasting ours and everyone Else's time in line.
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